Doubt the undoubt?

Bismillah..

0128hrs
01022018

Pejam celik,dah masuk bulan kedua utk tahun 2018. Assalamualaikum. Alhamdulillah. After a very,verrry llooooonngggg time, i now have the time (read : not being lazy) to post smthg new in my very old and dusty blog. **cheers sound**👏👏👏

Looking back to the old post, ohh God. Betapa tidak matangnya aku. Hahahaha...merapek meraban apabenda ntah. But then,hahaha..klaka pon ada. Lots of things happened to me these years. Things that makes me grown inside. Mentally, emotionally.

Today..i just feel like writing. Because,i feel like i need to luahkan smthg from inside my heart. But i had no one to talk to.

Recently, after a few years, i am officially back into the game. The relationship game. The emotional feeling between a male and a female game. Yes. That game. Oh God. Its been so long. I dont even remember how to do this anymore. Macam..betul ke cara aku buat ni? Betul ke cara aku ckp ni. U know,all the little things.

This guy. I like this guy. Lets just call him Mr Sepet. I dont even realise since when. I feel comfortable being around him. He's funny, crazy, he talks differently, speaks differently. I love standing next to him because he's so tall. I had to look up just to see his face. And i like that 😊

Problem is, i dont know whats wrong with me. Often i feel so insecure. Always saying things like 'awk tak syg saya', and i can feel that he's starting to hate it.

I'm so insecure when it comes to relationship. I'm so scared of getting hurt again. Sometimes I feel like running away from him,because I'm scared that he didn't love me anymore,that he is sick and tired of me. Sometimes i wish we didnt make that decision to be lovers, so that if something happend,if we get into an argument, i dont have to lose him, i will not lose him.

I dont wanna lose him now

Because the feeling is real. I love him.

Shit!

😐