So he said 'let's get married' banyak kali jugak.
Ans i said yes to it,every single time.
Coz yes,i do love him and i wanna be with him.
But why do i feel like, he only gave half of his heart to me?
Why do i feel like there's a huge hole,or gap, between us?
Why do i feel like there's something about him that didn't fit right?
Why do i feel like he's been hiding something from me?
He's hiding something from me.
https://youtu.be/PAr6r9_Sxns
I'm just protecting my innocence
I'm just protecting my soul
Pernah tak kau rasa, masa kau tengah single bertahun-tahun dulu, kau teringiiinnn sangat nak ada pakwe, ada boyfriend, mcm orang lain.
But when u have one, when are in a relationship, tak sampai sebulan, kau mula yearning nak back to being single. Nak being out of relationship.
Pernah?
I think that's kinda what I'm feeling rite now.
Why?
Because when i was single, i had no worries, nothing to think about, no hearts to take care of but myself. No thinking about "dia buat pe eh? Nape tak msg aku eah? Nape kasik bluetick eah? Nape buka wasap tapi x text aku eah?"
Takde langsung pk if he's gonna cheat on me ke, if he still loves me ke,if he loves me not ke. Takde.
Takde
Takde!
Rilek..chill..no worries..happy jek dgn kenkawan. U know.
Now..well..dont get me wrong. I am happy. He's a good guy. Its just, we are like in one long distant relationship. Almost. He's in Temerloh, I'm in Kuantan. Seminggu sekali je balik Kuantan.
Kata orang rindu itu indah.
Namun bagiku ia menyiksa
Seksa. Mmg seksa. Seriously. This lovesick thing is killing me. I hate it when i miss him, but i didnt get to see him. I hate it when i miss him, but i didnt get to talk to him.
Uuurrgghhhhh!!!!
End this..please..!!
😭😭
Have u ever feel like running away?
Running away from all the heartache u are feeling rite now.
The heartache that u dont even know what cause it.
U dont even know what u did wrong.
U dont even know why u feel this feeling.
But u feel it. And it hurts.
Its been so long since my last heartache because of love.
I almost forgot how it actually feel.
But now im feeling it all over again.
And oh God..it hurts. It fucking hurt and i feel like crying.
And i dont even know why.
I just wanna runaway.
Disappear from the people that i know now.
Cut all connection with him.
So that this heartache will end.
Please God please.
End this heartache.
It hurts.
😢
💔
Bismillah..
0128hrs
01022018
Pejam celik,dah masuk bulan kedua utk tahun 2018. Assalamualaikum. Alhamdulillah. After a very,verrry llooooonngggg time, i now have the time (read : not being lazy) to post smthg new in my very old and dusty blog. **cheers sound**👏👏👏
Looking back to the old post, ohh God. Betapa tidak matangnya aku. Hahahaha...merapek meraban apabenda ntah. But then,hahaha..klaka pon ada. Lots of things happened to me these years. Things that makes me grown inside. Mentally, emotionally.
Today..i just feel like writing. Because,i feel like i need to luahkan smthg from inside my heart. But i had no one to talk to.
Recently, after a few years, i am officially back into the game. The relationship game. The emotional feeling between a male and a female game. Yes. That game. Oh God. Its been so long. I dont even remember how to do this anymore. Macam..betul ke cara aku buat ni? Betul ke cara aku ckp ni. U know,all the little things.
This guy. I like this guy. Lets just call him Mr Sepet. I dont even realise since when. I feel comfortable being around him. He's funny, crazy, he talks differently, speaks differently. I love standing next to him because he's so tall. I had to look up just to see his face. And i like that 😊
Problem is, i dont know whats wrong with me. Often i feel so insecure. Always saying things like 'awk tak syg saya', and i can feel that he's starting to hate it.
I'm so insecure when it comes to relationship. I'm so scared of getting hurt again. Sometimes I feel like running away from him,because I'm scared that he didn't love me anymore,that he is sick and tired of me. Sometimes i wish we didnt make that decision to be lovers, so that if something happend,if we get into an argument, i dont have to lose him, i will not lose him.
I dont wanna lose him now
Because the feeling is real. I love him.
Shit!
😐
