Half of heart

So he said 'let's get married' banyak kali jugak.
Ans i said yes to it,every single time.
Coz yes,i do love him and i wanna be with him.

But why do i feel like, he only gave half of his heart to me?
Why do i feel like there's a huge hole,or gap, between us?
Why do i feel like there's something about him that didn't fit right?
Why do i feel like he's been hiding something from me?

He's hiding something from me.

Protect thy heart

https://youtu.be/PAr6r9_Sxns

I'm just protecting my innocence
I'm just protecting my soul

Status Confusion

Pernah tak kau rasa, masa kau tengah single bertahun-tahun dulu, kau teringiiinnn sangat nak ada pakwe, ada boyfriend, mcm orang lain.

But when u have one, when are in a relationship, tak sampai sebulan, kau mula yearning nak back to being single. Nak being out of relationship.

Pernah?

I think that's kinda what I'm feeling rite now.

Why?

Because when i was single, i had no worries, nothing to think about, no hearts to take care of but myself. No thinking about "dia buat pe eh? Nape tak msg aku eah? Nape kasik bluetick eah? Nape buka wasap tapi x text aku eah?"

Takde langsung pk if he's gonna cheat on me ke, if he still loves me ke,if he loves me not ke. Takde.
Takde
Takde!

Rilek..chill..no worries..happy jek dgn kenkawan. U know.

Now..well..dont get me wrong. I am happy. He's a good guy. Its just, we are like in one long distant relationship. Almost. He's in Temerloh, I'm in Kuantan. Seminggu sekali je balik Kuantan.

Kata orang rindu itu indah.
Namun bagiku ia menyiksa

Seksa. Mmg seksa. Seriously. This lovesick thing is killing me. I hate it when i miss him, but i didnt get to see him. I hate it when i miss him, but i didnt get to talk to him.

Uuurrgghhhhh!!!!

End this..please..!!
😭😭

Runaway

Have u ever feel like running away?

Running away from all the heartache u are feeling rite now.
The heartache that u dont even know what cause it.
U dont even know what u did wrong.
U dont even know why u feel this feeling.

But u feel it. And it hurts.
Its been so long since my last heartache because of love.
I almost forgot how it actually feel.
But now im feeling it all over again.

And oh God..it hurts. It fucking hurt and i feel like crying.
And i dont even know why.

I just wanna runaway.
Disappear from the people that i know now.
Cut all connection with him.
So that this heartache will end.

Please God please.
End this heartache.

It hurts.

😢
💔

Doubt the undoubt?

Bismillah..

0128hrs
01022018

Pejam celik,dah masuk bulan kedua utk tahun 2018. Assalamualaikum. Alhamdulillah. After a very,verrry llooooonngggg time, i now have the time (read : not being lazy) to post smthg new in my very old and dusty blog. **cheers sound**👏👏👏

Looking back to the old post, ohh God. Betapa tidak matangnya aku. Hahahaha...merapek meraban apabenda ntah. But then,hahaha..klaka pon ada. Lots of things happened to me these years. Things that makes me grown inside. Mentally, emotionally.

Today..i just feel like writing. Because,i feel like i need to luahkan smthg from inside my heart. But i had no one to talk to.

Recently, after a few years, i am officially back into the game. The relationship game. The emotional feeling between a male and a female game. Yes. That game. Oh God. Its been so long. I dont even remember how to do this anymore. Macam..betul ke cara aku buat ni? Betul ke cara aku ckp ni. U know,all the little things.

This guy. I like this guy. Lets just call him Mr Sepet. I dont even realise since when. I feel comfortable being around him. He's funny, crazy, he talks differently, speaks differently. I love standing next to him because he's so tall. I had to look up just to see his face. And i like that 😊

Problem is, i dont know whats wrong with me. Often i feel so insecure. Always saying things like 'awk tak syg saya', and i can feel that he's starting to hate it.

I'm so insecure when it comes to relationship. I'm so scared of getting hurt again. Sometimes I feel like running away from him,because I'm scared that he didn't love me anymore,that he is sick and tired of me. Sometimes i wish we didnt make that decision to be lovers, so that if something happend,if we get into an argument, i dont have to lose him, i will not lose him.

I dont wanna lose him now

Because the feeling is real. I love him.

Shit!

😐

up till now

yeahhhh...looks like i did it again..nOt pOsting anything new fOr a mOnth...gOt a lil bz again and my brOadband prepaid dried up..! maLas nak tOpup..so x dapt la online kan...kekekke

anyway..this past few weeks semasa aku tidak dapat mengonlinekan dri,a lot of things happends in my life.. well fOr starters,i mOved out of my parents hOuse... =_="

hahahha..well actually aku tgh wat shOrt cOurse kat Sempurna Resort which is located in Indera Sempurna..ia adaLah agak jauh la dr umah aku sekiranya tiap2 hari aku kne isi minyak motor everytime pergi baLik keLas..jaLan puLak ala2 jalan highway,byk puLak lOri...terhuyung hayang aku dibuatnya atas mOtor tu... sO setelah berbincang dgn my mOm,i decided to rent a hOuse in Indera Sempurna and managed tO get 3 housemates..it's easier tO gO to cLass ditambah puLak dgn musim ujan skrg nie...sO renting a house definiteLy is a great idea...

sO dat's it fOr tonite..later on insya Allah ada free time and things tO share,i'll definiteLy pOst smthg...

v(^_^)v

Someone Like You

I heard that you settled down
That you found a girl and you're married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.

Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,"
Yeah.

You know how the time flies
Only yesterday was the time of our lives
We were born and raised
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."

Nothing compares
No worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes
They are memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead." 

~Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you~

v(^_^)v